Oh, we’re so back. Back to pulling all-nighters, organizing get-togethers and going off on weekend benders. We’re also back to that time of year when uppity upperclassmen, in their infinite wisdom, grumble about the innocent, plodding ways of first-year students. For weeks on YikYak, upperclassmen have complained about first-year students sauntering down McCormick Road and having loud conversations in the Shannon Library stacks.
But do upperclassmen have the grounds — no pun intended — to belittle these so-called babies? As I’ve transitioned into my second year in Charlottesville — living off-Grounds without a meal plan and carrying unfounded confidence in my maturity — I’ve realized how much I’ve naively taken for granted.
Entering my second year, I was proud to be the new tenant of an apartment, contractually bound to pay twelve months of rent and take care of my own home. I’ll admit — on more than one occasion, I frantically Googled, “What is renter’s insurance?” But beyond that, my only worries were choosing a comforter and ordering an extra large frying pan.
I considered myself ready to be independent — I knew I could make something edible, and my room was always relatively clean. I took quiet pride in the fact that I was now an adult, managing my own groceries, budget and daily life without the constraints of resident advisor supervision and dining hall menus.
However, my romanticization of second-year independence was short-lived. Living on my own was not the dreamy ideal I had built up in my head. Water stains appeared on bathroom mirrors. Hair piled up on the shower drain. Vegetables expired way faster than I expected them to. And, as it turns out, no matter how strictly you enforce a “no shoes in the house” policy, the floors will still get dirty. Until you are the only person responsible for keeping up a standard of living, you never really realize how much effort it takes to do so.
As I dealt with all of these newfound stressors, I felt a sense of guilt weighing upon me. I realized I had never considered the effort my loved ones — and even service workers — put in to ensure I could live with ease. Managing my life was hard and monotonous work, day in and day out. Making breakfast. Taking out the trash. Cleaning watermarks off the bathroom mirror. All of these seemingly minute details added up, and I realized just how much I took for granted in the past. Living alone had been easy — but only because someone else was doing all the heavy lifting for me behind the scenes.
To think that I was “independent” last year — when every single meal and household chore was taken care of for me by University service staff — is laughable now. But this isn’t to say that being dependent is a bad thing. It was a privilege to have so much provided for me without knowing.
Having realized this, I started to notice just how often I ran to my mom for help, for instance. In my so-called independence, I call to ask her, how do I contact maintenance to fix that leaky faucet? How do I change the air filter? What should I do if my package gets stolen? Now, I know how important it is to show her gratitude.
We so often forget to thank others. I am evidently guilty of this — these last couple weeks of apartment living have been blatant proof. But I’ll ask you too: How often do you thank your parents? The janitor cleaning the bathroom you’re using? The person bagging your groceries, or even your roommate for refilling the Brita? Understanding true independence is to be conscious of how much tedious day-to-day effort goes into simply living — and how often other people come to our aid.
I have resolved to reconsider each aspect of my life with this new perspective. How much do we all take for granted? How independent are we — or aren’t we? In reality, our support system is far more extensive than we realize. We are supported every day by everyone — from doormen to janitorial staff — who make our lives just that much easier.
This semester, I urge you to thank all the people that support your daily living. Your long-distance friend who calls to ask how you are. The professor who works one-on-one with you in office hours to help you through a math concept. Ms. Kathy of Newcomb who raises your spirits with a glowing compliment. The nurse at Student Health and Wellness who calms you down when you catch the frat flu. People you love and strangers alike care for and about you, in both visible and invisible ways. You are never truly independent. You are never truly alone.
While I am no longer a first-year student waiting in line at O’Hill, I am only just beginning my journey closer to independence. And in many ways, I am grateful for this — it means there are so many people who continue to support me. As I grow up, slowly but surely, I am built up by my community — and so are you.
Mai Hukuoka is a Life Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at life@cavalierdaily.com.
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