Ah, fall — that time of year when pumpkin spice is intoxicatingly inescapable and glorious sweaters migrate out of their closets. Pools are out, and pumpkin patches are in. Crisp fall air makes for the best walks, and spooky season is ghoulishly grand throughout October. But I’m not here to talk about all of that. I’m here to talk about the cream of the crop — the absolute best that fall has to offer. For all the winning qualities of that lovely fall, look no further than this highlight reel.
1. Curveballs from Mother Nature
If you’re looking for inconsistent weather to spice things up, you’re in luck. Autumn isn’t basic — she’s one exciting, fickle-tempered diva. Refer to your friendly weather app before venturing out, and always keep an umbrella packed — autumn’s waterworks are erratic and never disappoint. Summer may even rub off on her and lead to some joyously hot days, ripe with sweat stains and a deep regret for bringing your shorts home over fall break. Anyone care for a tall glass of unpredictability?
2. Cue tissue season
As the temperature starts trending downward and we enjoy the cold weather on walks to class, you’re going to get the best natural glow up — a runny nose — courtesy of fall. Now, if you’re not into that attractive look, you can easily wipe the snot away with some tissues — or did you forget those at home? Not to worry — there are really rough paper towels in the bathrooms that definitely won’t leave you with a chapped nose.
3. Shots and soreness
Have any plans to get your flu shot at CVS yet? If you don’t, it’s time to get on that. Don’t wait to enter your sore arm era this fall season. You won’t feel immediate pain — vaccines are petty and like to give you that “slow burn” for the rest of the day. When you wake up the next morning, you’ll be in for a lovely day of wincing every time you move your arm more than 20 degrees from your torso. That definitely won’t get distracting. Getting your COVID-19 booster along with your flu shot? Double the fun for you.
4. Get comfy in the library
At week five of the semester, most students are slammed with homework and are likely approaching the first wave of exams. Lucky for you, there’s a place where you can pull your hair out over problem sets and perseverate on your essay word choice — the library. Whether you go to Clark, Clem or Shannon, these places have everything — dimly-lit stacks, that one pair of aggressive whisperers and study carrels that isolate you from the outside world. To passersby, these are lovely spaces, but we all know that once you spend hours in them, the aesthetics turn from academic-chic to academic-shriek.
5. Now entering our reptilian era
As the weather gets colder, you may be susceptible to the “fall tan” — dry skin, that is. As the humidity drops, so too does the moisture within your skin, leaving you with that oh-so-pleasing scaly look. “Feel the burn” has never rang more true, and nothing will phase you — not even scorching hot faucet water. Now you have the perfect opportunity to put that scented Bath & Body Works moisturizer to use.
6. Slippery slopes
It’s a joy to get caught in the fall rain — but it’s even more fun to try to walk outside after it rains. Everything is covered in water, so everyone who’s going somewhere in a rush now has an automatic speed booster. Life becomes a real-world video game. Both tactile paving by curbs and wet leaves will get you moving in no time. And if you’ve got the finesse, you’ll look pretty cool as you slide to class.
7. Goodbye, Mr. Golden Sun
When we turn our clocks back an hour on the first Sunday of November, darkness will descend even earlier in the evening. Huzzah! Finally, no more dealing with that big ol’ sun in the sky past 7 o’clock at night, whose brightness forces you to squint to determine if the person walking toward you is someone you know. Personally, I will not rage against the dying of the sunlight — rather, I will celebrate. Vitamin D deficiency, here I come.
8. Guessing with layers
Fall gives us the perfect opportunity to play everyone’s favorite game — Guess How Many Layers You Need Today. This seasonal delight allows you to look at the weather for the day — as it varies from a high of 70 to a low of 45 — and plan out how many layers you will wear to stay comfortable all day long. Don’t forget to factor in the constant AC blowing in study lounges and the natural sweat that beads on your brow as you speed walk to your next class. Picking an outfit becomes quite a challenging game to play.
9. Service to the pests
Good news — the colder fall weather will allow you to rake in some volunteer hours. This season, you’ll undoubtedly be a good samaritan by housing a variety of pests. Ladybugs, stink bugs and mice will call your room home as they escape from the cold outdoors to the warmth of your space. They are quite mischievous house-guests, and you may just have to play tag with a silverfish before getting into the shower. A can of Raid will likely become your best friend this season.
10. A sick 4D experience — literally
There are no sounds I love more than deep coughs and violent sneezes. The emergence of fall brings with it a beautiful soundscape of hacks and achoos everywhere you go, from the sidewalk to the dining hall. Even better is when the sickness enters the fourth dimension for a thrilling immersive experience. Is there someone coughing behind you in lecture? Now you can hear the phlegm in their throat and feel their cough droplets on the back of your neck, too. How exhilarating.
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