Having a routine and sticking to it, day in and day out, has become my comfort blanket as of late. With the ever-increasing and never-ending workload of readings, midterms and papers, I find solace in the fact that I can at least control what I eat for breakfast every day — yogurt, with fruit and chia seeds, that is — and what time I’ll get home. But a recent escape — while seemingly mundane — from this self-imposed program made me realize that all this planning, all this self-confinement, was inhibiting me from true, plain joy.
I’m the definition of a Type A personality — I’m always 10 minutes early, my calendar is filled to the brim and I keep track of assignments months into the future. So it was quite uncharacteristic of me to take a left turn, instead of my usual right, on a recent morning walk with my friend.
I use my routine morning walks to start my days off on the right foot — literally. Each day, I go outside bare-faced, listen to my curated Spotify daylist and mentally prepare for another day of staring into the blue light of my laptop. And each day, I take the same route — I venture up my street, touch foot on Grounds and make a sharp U-turn back home.
One morning last week, however, my friend joined me for the walk. She suggested that we turn down an unfamiliar street, and though my normal route was beckoning, I agreed to break from convention. We turned down that street, then another, and another, until the ear-piercing ring of my phone alarm reminded us that it was time to find our way back home.
Although we simply walked into a nearby, unfamiliar neighborhood, it felt like I had wandered into a new world. My eyes moved from the small cottage-style house with a balcony swing to the cloud-like white ragdoll cat that sauntered in front of us to the praying mantis perched upon a utility pole and to an old couple tending to their garden. Each visual was bursting with life, and I found my mouth agape with awe. Later that day, parts of the walk played back in my mind like scenes from an A24 movie.
Despite living in the same small city for over a year, I felt as though I was exploring someplace distant and new. It was as if I became a child again, seeing dandelions for the first time and playing I-Spy with the rooftops that lined the neighborhood streets. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s true.
While I had appreciated my regimented morning strolls, I had found a newfound joy in this one. Altering my routine allowed me to experience my surroundings with a new perspective. I realized that my firm “control” over life was preventing me from enjoying the beauty of banal, everyday things.
As University students, our lives are so dominated by fixed schedules and structure that we often forget to, quite literally, “stop and smell the roses.” Sure — when I meticulously plan every meal, list “get coffee at Grit with friends” in my calendar and precisely route my morning walks, it eases my anxiety and helps me stay productive. But my obsession with organization and efficiency consumes me, preventing me from mindfully living.
Since that eye-opening walk, I’ve tried to alter my strict regimen to make room for spontaneity and joy — and to be honest, it’s been hard. The prospect of losing control over my perfect plan is scary. I stress over the littlest things, like when I don’t start my homework exactly at 4:30 p.m. — the time I had inked into my planner, of course.
But it’s been healthy, and fun, for me to take a step back, take a deep breath and allow myself to let go. I tell myself that it’s okay to spend an impromptu night at a friend’s apartment. It’s okay to grab a Bodo’s bagel, rather than eat the meal-prepped lunch packed securely in my Tupperware container. It’s okay to spend 30 minutes brewing a cup of Earl Grey — the superior tea — and watch an episode of Gilmore Girls. And it’s okay to walk the long way back home.
I’ve learned that being in control does not always mean being content. Going forward, I hope to give myself the freedom to explore and evolve, to live in the moment and find the balance between my goals and the simple joys of life. And tomorrow morning, I will walk up a different street.
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