My friends, who endearingly call me “Gramma Grace,” love to joke that I am the grandma of the friend group. With my love for 1960s pop hits and 1970s movie stars, my respect for traditional values and my — sometimes overbearing — maternal instincts, I can’t say they’re too far off. But any grandma-like qualities I may possess are not thanks to myself. Throughout my childhood, I have been lucky enough to live with both of my grandmothers for prolonged periods of time, making them two of my closest friends and biggest role models.
With their unconditional love throughout my childhood, their fierce friendship during my adolescence and their constant leadership by example, Gramma Cathy and Gramma GG have imparted tidbits of wisdom over the years that have allowed me to make my time at the University so meaningful. Here are four lessons from my grammas to make your life — in college and beyond — as deeply gratifying as theirs have been.
1. It's never too late to be who you might’ve been
Decisions you make now are not set in stone. Whether it's selecting your major, picking which club to join or choosing your first post-graduate job, think of my grandmas as the perfect role models for being open to changing your mind.
Gramma GG had her three children starting at the young age of 21. After happily devoting the first 30 years of her adult life to her children, once they grew up, Gramma GG made the courageous choice to go back to school. Rather than looking back in regret that she didn’t finish school at a more traditional age, Gramma GG paved the way for herself to get her nursing degree at age 57, and she served as a registered nurse for over 15 years.
While picking up a new hobby isn’t quite as radical as changing careers, Gramma Cathy also redefined herself later in life — as a golfer. When I think of Gramma Cathy, I always think of her proudly displayed “hole in 1” plaque on her living room wall. Growing up golfing with her, I remember thinking I would never get as good as her. Imagine my surprise when I learned she didn’t even pick up the game until she was in her 70s!
So, go take a class on a topic you’ve never heard of. Go submit your writing to V MAG, or go try out for the club soccer team. Fully defining yourself at the age of 18 is not necessary to success — it's actually inhibitory in most cases. 72 is not too old to try something new, and neither is 22. It's never too late to be who you might’ve been — or who you could be.
2. Don’t forget to carve out some quality time for the girls — or the boys
No matter what chaos ensues in my grammas lives, they always make a point to stay in touch with their friends. Their value of girl time is something that I — and all 20-something-year-olds — can take to heart.
Whenever I ask Gramma Cathy how her week has been, I can be sure to hear a highlight from weekly ladies bridge night. Adorned in their best dresses and pearls, this sacred tradition allows for these ladies to catch up on all parts of their busy lives. In fact, my sister passed the bar exam this week, and Gramma Cathy’s first reaction was, “I can’t wait to tell the bridge ladies.”
Every summer, I love hearing about Gramma GG’s similar tradition with her friends. Every year since 1996, her friend group has gotten together for a good old-fashioned beach day. The group gathers at Rexhame Beach, one town over from Gramma GG’s house. Gramma GG brings the sandwiches from her favorite local shop “Gerards,” another friend brings the cookies — and they all bring the gossip.
Amidst your homework, your situationships and your extracurriculars, remember to carve out some quality time for your friends. Go have a picnic on the Lawn, hike Humpback Rock, form an intramural basketball team or establish a standing weekly poker — or bridge — night. Oh, and at the risk of sounding truly elderly myself, sitting next to each other on your phones doesn’t count. Look each other in the eyes and laugh until your stomach hurts.
3. Never “let” your granddaughter — or anyone else you respect — win a game of tennis
One of the greatest lessons my grammas have taught me is the importance of expressing myself authentically. Nothing shows this better than how they treat me on the tennis court.
Whether I’m playing tennis with Gramma GG at our town courts or playing against Gramma Cathy at her community courts, I’m usually on the losing side of the net. Win or lose, however, they shake my hand firmly at the end of every match, looking me in the eye when they tell me “good game.”
This sportsmanlike praise is only meaningful because I know they played the match authentically. They hit the ball back with integrity, they yell “good shot” when they mean it and they tell me when my volleys are too weak.
My grandmothers are some of the kindest women I have ever met — they squeeze me into every hug, and they compliment me until my face is red. But the only reason this affection means so much is because I know it is authentic.
Do not mistake being kind with being fake nice. Be authentic. If you really respect someone, you shouldn’t let them win. You should hit the ball back with all your might, building them up so the tennis game is better for both of you. Tell your sister that joke she made about your boyfriend wasn’t cool — don’t just laugh it off. Tell your roommate he needs to do his dishes — his future wife will thank you. Tell your friend that her forehand is incredible, but her serve could use some work. That way, you can look them in the eye when you tell them “good game,” win or lose.
4. Looking backward will show you what to pay forward
My favorite part of visiting my grammas is flipping through their old pictures and listening to the captivating stories of their youth. Why? I learn about how my grammas were touched by their loved ones, just like how they’ve touched me.
Gramma GG’s stories consist of her parents' time in the Navy, her father’s brilliance, her mother’s quick wit and her high school experience as a student government leader. Gramma Cathy talks of her family’s emigration from Sicily and voyages back to Italy, her parents' hard work to build a better life in the United States and her time as a medical secretary to the Chief of Surgery at the local Va. hospital.
Hearing my grammas recount the stories of their parents and themselves, it becomes clear that the love they show me is a way to pay forward all of the affection, hard work and inspiration that others gave them in the past. When my grammas describe their parents, their families and their friends — with gratitude radiating from their smiles — it moves me to think about all the reasons I’m grateful for my family and friends. In every move I make here on Grounds or elsewhere, I hope to pay that same type of love forward.
I’ll ask you — what do you value? What are you grateful for? Maybe it's the loyalty of your best friend, the wisdom of your track coach or the patience of your fifth-grade math teacher. Maybe it's the love of your grandmother. And what do you want to pay forward? Knowing what you are grateful for in your past will help you find your guiding principles for the future.
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