Editor's note: This article is a humor column.
Dear Editor,
As a representative of the Career Center, I would like to share a new opportunity we will be undertaking next academic year. In light of the uptick in competition to get involved in clubs on Grounds, we will be launching a new Club Interview Basic Training.
While the University has traditionally been a welcoming environment based only on meritocracy, we have recently witnessed increased competition and nepotism in this club recruitment cycle. To be clear, we do not perceive either of these things to be negative. Rather, they, like a general education requirement in languages, help prepare students for the corporate world.
Nevertheless, it is an understatement to say that students are in uproar — from first years who are baffled by the single digit acceptance rates of business fraternities like Delta Sigma Pi to second years that believed a summer of casing YouTube videos would qualify them for a consulting club. From not being able to scan QR codes to an influx of Google Forms causing phones to go into overdrive, we understand the struggle for students. After all, they spend hours browsing clubs at the activities fair, go through hours-long interview processes and scrounge for any tenable connection to the president of the club only to have fate toss their extracurricular dreams out the window.
Because of struggles like these, we are putting together various opportunities in our Basic Training program to help put eager students in the best position for success. This program will begin in late fall to prepare students for the winter recruitment cycle.
Mock Interviews — Nov. 15 at 10 p.m., Scott Stadium
Struggling to come up with five things you'd bring with you to a deserted island? Not quite sure what you'd do if you won one million dollars right now? Are you still working through whether there are more wheels or doors in the world? Believe it or not, it is not just in an interview for Washington Society where you may encounter these types of questions. According to surveys, these insightful questions are ubiquitous across all club interviews.
We will run you through a basic handbook of some of the most standard things to know for interviews. Additionally, we will provide training on body language, unlocking the secret psychological ways to win over your interviewer.
Wardrobe Makeover Training — Nov. 17 at 6 a.m., Barracks Road Shopping Center
Didn't come to college with a blazer and Longchamp bag? Found out that black jeans do not count as business casual while waiting for your interview in Rouss Robertson Hall among the mob of trousers and blazers? Do you fear that you will be the only person under 40 years old going into stores like Banana Republic for business casual attire?
One of the Career Center's ambassadors will work individually with students by taking them on a run to Barracks Road Shopping Center where they can purchase business casual clothing. After all, half of the recruitment process is dressing to impress. Our ambassadors are here to accompany and support students through coping with the unsettling feeling of buying trousers at 18 years old.
Preparation for Rejection — Nov. 19 - 25 from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m., the Lawn
Rejection is hard, and we know that it is something not all incoming University students have faced prior to their arrival — especially those who used up their beginner’s luck with Early Decision admission to the University. While there are many inclusive organizations on Grounds, we understand why students would seek out competitive organizations. How could you not correlate the value of an organization with its acceptance rate? But with this value system, rejection is a given.
To aid students in sitting with their rejection, we are offering free affirmation journals. These journals can be used for students to write down mantras such as "Family first" and "Blood is thicker than water,” a reminder not to be too hard on themselves. We want students to remember that these setbacks are formative in your experience at the University, and there are numerous valuable organizations that do not require an application process, such as Club Swim and Spongebob Club.
We at the Career Center are very excited for the Club Interview Basic Training program and hope you will consider joining us. Even if you opt for non-competitive clubs, participating in Basic Training will prepare you for the surprisingly homogenous business world. We hope the effort you put into the training helps you succeed in joining a club next semester.
Thank you and Go Hoos,
The Career Center Team
Read More
Leaked — U.Va. begins new faculty training in intimidation and unhelpfulness
By Sneha Uppal | 5 days agoRecent leaked footage of a new secret faculty training at the University has caused controversy on Grounds.
BREAKING — ‘Run With Jim’ goes awry as President Ryan departs Charlottesville
By Owen Andrews | September 26, 2024Ryan’s close friends and family claim that his viewing of the film “Forrest Gump” this past weekend had a profound impact on him.
College Tips from the Perspective of Mr. Peter Paint Can
By Sebastian Ghersi | September 24, 2024The brothers are finally cleaning out the house after 20 years, and unlike me, you young-ins won’t end up in the trash. So attention, class is in session, and Mr. Petester Poker God Painty is ready to teach.
