Editor's note: This article is a humor column.
CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA — A group of eager prospective parents derailed from their admissions tour on Monday and charged in the direction of leasing offices in the immediate area. The diversion was unprompted, leaving the admissions intern who was guiding the tour baffled.
The admissions tour of eager parents had taken a typical route — that is, until the final leg. The group of prospective parents and students was heading back to Peabody Hall for the concluding ‘Why U.Va.’ section when they made the unpredictable decision to flake away from the tour.
Second year admissions intern Eleae Rent recalled the shocking turn of events that left her feeling like the lost one.
“I usually walk backward, as I was trained, and have my head on a continuous swivel,” said Rent. “In the second I faced behind me and then back around, it was like the group had snapped and vanished out of thin air.”
No amount of training could have prepared Rent to manage this stunt. She immediately began to inquire about the motives of the scheme.
“There was something off about the group. The only questions they were asking were ‘What is the probability of being placed at Faulkner apartments?’ or ‘Will the Lawn construction be done by 2028?’” said Rent. “I don’t know why they were worried about construction at a time the incoming class would have already graduated by.”
With the recent standardization of University tours under one service, the office did not expect such room for catastrophe to strike — they did not put crowd management into their intern training modules, or any accurate history.
The University student body was notified of the incident via a safety report from Timothy Longo, Associate Vice President for Safety and Security.
“While we would not normally notify students of tour group movements, the flood of parents quickly became unpredictable,” Longo said. “When I tried to speak with them, they threw leases in my face. I was in fear.”
The report confirmed that the group headed due north for the MSC leasing office. Students from Trailblazer Elementary School crowded behind windows to witness the parents en route to the office via 14th Street.
The disruption alarmed the MSC office worker Ted Townhouse from a block away as the parents hit the final stretch down 14th street.
“All of the sudden, I thought an earthquake was hitting Charlottesville,” said Townhouse. “Never in my 37 years of manning the front desk have I experienced a surge of Gen X’s.”
After the tour group beelined from the tour into the office, they formed a queue with driver’s licenses, social security and insurance cards in hand ready to take on their objective — lease signing.
One prospective parent, Carrie Caring, spoke about their decision to prioritize heading to a leasing office overhearing the rest of the tour.
“The prospective parent’s Facebook page warned that complexes are filling up for the next three years,” said Caring, “My little Frank is a prospective class of 2030 student, which is creeping up on us. We wanted to make sure that he would have the opportunity to make a year long financial commitment with some of his first week best friends.”
Once the parents were done at MSC, the hub for many of the off-Grounds living options, they headed down Main Street in pursuit of the leasing offices of the big three — Lark, the Standard and the Flats. They divided and conquered, collecting pictures of the facilities to share with the Prospective Parent Class of 2030 Facebook page.The parents were disappointed when redirected from The Flats front office to the Graduate front office.
Prospective father Ryan Shannon, who was just along for the ride in support of his family, expressed confusion. “Isn’t that a hotel?” he said. “We were surprised to hear that many of the Flats residents have taken up temporary housing at the Graduate this year.”
An investigation of the prospective parent Facebook pages has revealed buzz about housing. One post with 352 replies vented about their daughter having an unsuccessful Orientation experience because she hadn’t found her second year roommates yet. The concern of these prospective parents comes in light of the increasing housing prices, both on and off-Grounds.
By claiming their stake early, anxious parents have the assurance that their child will have a bed for all four years. While overcoming the 83.7% chance of denial from the University seems daunting, the real stress comes from finding housing for the next year within the first months of the University experience.
The parents reportedly did not visit any of the on-Grounds housing options, despite the upcoming plan requiring all second years to live on-Grounds.
Read More
ROUNDTABLE: Previewing Halloweekend Run-A-Way
By Wardah Kamran and Naima Sawaya | 5 days agoThis iconic Charlottesville fashion show has been happening since the mid 1760s and has become a beloved University tradition.
Board of Visitors to host inaugural University Fortnite tournament
By Sebastian Ghersi | October 25, 2024Influenced by political and financial incentives, the historic event will be televised at Scott Stadium for the whole University community to watch.
Vol 2. — A Night Full of Troubles For U.Va.’s Most Eligible Bachelor
By Sebastian Ghersi | October 14, 2024Some allege that my unpleasant interaction with an A-lister was just a one-off. All those claims can be easily rejected by recounting the story of one fateful night.
