Editor’s Note: This article is a humor column.
Chi Beta was temporarily suspended Wednesday while the University’s Inter-Fraternity Council proceeds with investigations over tweaking allegations.
As defined by the North American Interfraternity Conference, “tweaking is any action that undermines the fraternal vibe.” This includes, but is not limited to, the following — stealing someone’s underwear, messing up the dap, using the weather app around the huzz, bringing a fish to the function and PUBSing.
As a member of both the national organization and its University-wide subdivision, Chi Beta is subject to this statute. It is specifically accused of running out of alcohol within the opening hour, having an awful pledges-to-huzz ratio, playing too much Clairo and lacking a general sense of game.
These investigations come during a time of intense scrutiny towards “tweaking.” Under current IFC and University policy, tweaking that threatens the party vibe may result in additional sanctioning of the offending fraternal chapter. Though more egregious instances of tweaking, such as crying in the bedroom, may more commonly produce investigations, any tweak is grounds enough for an inquiry.
A guilty verdict could spell doom for the fraternity. It would require Chi Beta to halt all fraternity related activities for the to-be-defined future.
Chi Beta successfully petitioned the council for a stay on the ruling, receiving partial relief until the official verdict arrives. Though it is required to suspend all fraternal social activities until said verdict, philanthropy efforts will still be ongoing.
John Blow, IFC member, said, “the exact timelines of the investigations are fluid, but the IFC’s final verdict will determine whether the group faces sanctioning. In the meantime, Chi Beta is to cancel all functions — even if they are totally sick ”
Brett Grayson, Division 1 Chiller and IFC president, said in a press release that these investigations — though not cause for celebration — are a necessary part of maintaining inter-fraternal harmony on Grounds.
“We gotta be able to separate the squids from the bids if we want to have a truly great fraternity culture here on grounds,” Grayson said. “At the end of the day, when you’re riding the waves of the party, you’ve gotta have a tight ship type ship.”
UJC spokesperson and third-year in the College Harold Brest confirmed the IFC investigation, making sure to rehash the solemnity of the circumstances before him.
“We take allegations of tweaking very seriously,” Brest said. “Never geek about a tweak. We hope this investigation gives an impartial avenue for the truth to come out without harming the innocence of the guys.”
Nevertheless, the investigations have already had immediate effects on the brotherhood. Frequently associated with brothers of Chi Beta, sororities Delta Iota Kappa and Beta Alpha Lambda Zeta have ceased communication.
“The sisters of Delta Iota Kappa can no longer associate with a fraternity that completely lacks motion,” President Becca Bland said in a statement. “We encourage other sororities to reconsider being connected to a brotherhood that cannot lock in on Chiller status.”
To refute these accusations, Chi Beta cited their 15 DUI charges and 1-to-5 DJ to brother ratio. Nevertheless, the sororities have remained unwavering in their decision.
Furthermore, the Office of University Chillers was informed of the inquiries this Monday and subsequently placed all Chi Beta members on probation from the Sick Chiller List. Though this is a purely perfunctory process, it may signal a level of culpability amid these investigations.
Political pundits have taken the busting of Chi Beta as an indication of a more systemic issue of widespread tweaking in Greek organizations as well as young men in general. Developments such as refusal to comply with being ‘nonchalant’ and obeying anti-nicotine propaganda have decimated the number of college-aged men designated as Sick Chillers.
However, Grayson denies the existence of this investigation as an indication of tweakage in other fraternities.
“We’re crazy confident that these guys are the only sober apples of the bunch. Every other fraternity’s engagement and cooperation so far is indicative of their total Raftus status and really how college they are,” Grayson said. “The IFC is also optimistic that, following this whole thing, Chi Beta can start to be full send as well.”
Per IFC policy, after the investigations are completed and the reports are filed, Chi Beta will be able to defend their organization by “case racing” and “throwing a sick rager for the good of the public, Project-X style.”
For now, the outcome of the investigation into Chi Beta remains to be determined.
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