Editor’s Note: This is a humor column.
The darty, or day party, is a beloved staple of social life at the University. Like clockwork at approximately 3 p.m. every Saturday, fraternity front yards turn into a haven for folk music. Students emerge from the woodwork, many dressed in some of the longest white skirts you’ll ever see. Recent events have proved that the darty withstands not just in the 60 degree, sunny spring and fall conditions — but in fact, they can happen rain or shine. On February snow days, students traded in their big white skirts for vests and their sunglasses for ski goggles to hit the fraternity front yards for a “snarty.” With this clear demand to darty regardless of the dramatic circumstances, here are some darty ideas for when extreme events cancel classes.
1. Apocalydarty
As classes often persist online despite knee-high levels of snow, U.Va. students know extreme events don’t guarantee class cancellation. However, it is a safe assumption that in an apocalypse-like event, there is a good chance that regularly scheduled University programming would be modified. Imagine an email from Jennifer “J.J.” Wagner Davis, executive vice president and chief operating officer of the University hits your Outlook in the ripe hours of the morning. But this time, it’s not about the inclement weather. Instead, there have been reports of extraterrestrial invasions in Albemarle County.
Rather than flee to potential safe havens such as Keswick Hall where some Golden-Goosed University students have the privilege of membership, to one of Charlottesville’s beloved wineries or to a bunker in Culpeper, why not welcome the new community members in with open arms? After letting Virginia Tech fans storm our football field, there is no reason why we can’t invite in other forms of being into our territory. To ensure that the visitors feel right at home, some potential features could be the completion of a launchpad initiative on Mad Bowl and a UFO light show — neither of which would be out of the budget of students in Greek life, who already are willing to pay an arm and a leg for these events.
2. Hurricanarty
The Fall 2024 semester was marked by extreme levels of rain that persisted for weeks. Although students rafted down JPA and through Emmet Street to get to their classes, classes weren’t even considered for cancellation. However, if the rain conditions elevate to a hurricane level, there is a chance classes could get cancelled. While rare, hurricanes are not unheard of in the state of Virginia. In September 1996, Hurricane Fran brought enough rain, winds, and flooding to cancel University classes for a day. Getting a little more rag tag than DIY sleds, students could use miscellaneous objects such as their hamper or dining hall trays to create rafts to ride all the way down Rugby Road.
University students already love to utilize water related gadgets at their functions — Mad Bowl and the surrounding area rivals Water Country USA with foam baths, slip and slides, and waterslides during Midsummers. This event would be prime for the thrill seekers of traditional darties.
3. Epidemarty
While a disease outbreak may seem like a barrier for hosting large, hundred-person functions, this has not stopped University students in the past. While COVID-19 made the academic year relatively non-existent for University students in 2020 and 2021, students indeed found a way to persist and have their functions. Plus, the DoorList app could help keep the epidemarty contained so the hosts can know exactly who is at their event.
The classic big white skirt alone would likely not provide enough coverage for students to avoid disease spread — one possible attire adaptation could be the introduction of a full-body skirt in the form of a hazmat suit. Finch Boutique, the University’s very own darty attire monopoly, can catalyze the fashion transformation for the epidemarty. Marketing for the big white linen darty hazmat suit could begin with the boutique dressing the mannequins in the glass in a hazmat suit and accompanying mask. This simple fashion change could help students bring the staple attire to the modified epidemarties in such unprecedented times.
4. Sharknadarty
While Virginia ranks in the bottom half of the country for number of annual tornadoes, and has never experienced a sharknado, it is important to plan ahead in the event that a rare event causes a school cancellation. The AFC actually has a stock of sharks that are utilized for the dominant varsity swim team’s pacing in their training — a tornado that hits the University could quickly evolve into a sharknado. And just maybe, a sharknado could move classes to Zoom for the day.
University students are already familiar with airborne objects, animals and airborne animals at their event. From launching Busch Light cans from windows for lucky 21+ students to catch, to petting zoo philanthropy events that bring goats and chickens to fraternity yards, to the tradition of throwing McChickens from top stories of fraternity houses, the University is no stranger to these kinds of events. The presence of circulating airborne sharks would disrupt University operations but would not cause an unfamiliar disruption to the darty scene. University students are used to seeing an abnormal presence of wildlife at their functions. Therefore, University students would not have to prepare for much before this event other than embracing what they already are used to.
All in all, there is no doubt that University students have an itch to get outside and connect with one another as a break from the academic grind. The aforementioned events can serve as a guide for how to keep the spirit of socialization alive through other potential extreme events.
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