1950s
April 6, 1951
“‘Ugly Man’ To Have Last Laugh; Patti Paige Will Make Him Happy”
By Julian Koplen
An “Ugly Man” contest, announced in this article, decided the “University’s most left-handed honor,” and rewarded the winner with a trophy, key and kiss from singer Patti Page. Page, erroneously referred to as “Paige,” later became a Grammy-winning, best-selling artist and dedicated her time at the University for a 1-cent voting fee. Fraternities chose to nominate various men for the honor, with Charlie Hewitt being nominated by two.
1960s
April 1, 1964
“Shannon Nabbed By Runk At Weekend Party”
By Ben Dover
In this article, Dean of Students Benjamin F.D. Runk announced that Edgar F. Shannon, Jr., President of the University from 1959-1974, had been placed on “social probation for at least two semesters” after the Carr’s Hill Easter Eve Faculty Tea left the President’s Mansion in a “state of semi-shambles.” The event was said to have been broken up by University police after complaints from multiple nearby fraternity houses.
1970s
April 2, 1974
“Poo-Pile”
No Author
This selection of important University happenings tells of an orgy in the Webb Lounge, presented by the Counselor’s Committee on Human Sexuality, as well as a reassignment of lawn residents to the McKim Nursing Dormitory after condemning the lawn for inadequate facilities and pestilence. The Education Building’s overpass was also slated to be demolished, inevitably forcing students to cross Emmett Street with a Police Cadet escort.
1980s
April 1, 1981
“Crimefighters to shape up”
By Kent Felice
This article describes a successful initiative by the University Police Department to have its officers “concentrate on pushups as much as on holdups.” The program, which began three weeks prior to the article’s publication, influenced the Charlottesville Police Department to follow suit, only to be met with disappointment. City Patrolman, Ronald Stayments, said that no one was willing to pay for it and didn’t expect for the program to “get off the ground.”
1990s
March 31, 1994
“Cartoonists draw to make sense of sketchy existence”
By Amy Nagle and Smita Teotia
The fraught history of the comic book and strip is examined in this article, especially in relation to contemporary University students. Interviewees, including the owner of Fantasia Comics, Steven Miller, and Third-Year engineering student and creator of the Cavalier Daily’s “Dystopia,” Timmon Ark, said that comic books were likely to be scapegoated as soft pornography in future congressional hearings.
2000s
April 1, 2004
“Boy prodigy Greg Smith joins frat, drops out”
By Got Malati (Cavalier Daily Typo Guru)
In a depressing turn of events, 14-year old child prodigy and Topology Ph.D. student, Gregory R. Smith made the decision to drop out of the University after joining the Sigma Pi fraternity. Smith was said to have amended his initial aspirations from “curing cancer, becoming president and manning a mission to Mars” to “pleasing my ho’s.” The genius, who graduated from high school at the age of seven and completed his undergraduate education at Randolph-Macon College by 13, set a two-minute 17-second keg stand record and was fond of Gatorade-related pickup lines.
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