Nearly 20 years ago, Class of 2005 alumna Gretchen Zimmerman unexpectedly found herself in the middle of a campus cultural storm. As a pioneer Sex and Relationships columnist for The Cavalier Daily, she anticipated making her friends laugh, with the added bonus of slowly breaking down the stigma about women and sex. Instead, she was met with viral attention before “going viral” was a phenomenon — adored by some, shamed by others and ultimately left to cope with the weight of a reputation that followed her long after she stepped away from her column.
Zimmerman reflects on her time at the University quite fondly, speaking about Grounds with a warm nostalgia, even deeming it her “happy place” all these years later. But the role she played in shaping the University’s discourse around sexual encounters remains a complicated part of her past — one that, now, she rarely discusses.
“I thought I was signing up for making my friends laugh,” Zimmerman said. “It went from something that was fun and provocative … but then it became too much attention, and then it became, people only knew me [as] the one thing.”
When Zimmerman applied for the columnist position during her fourth year after seeing the ad posting, she was inspired by the thought of bold, no-filter storytelling to draw attention to the topic in an accessible and engaging way. She submitted two sample pieces, initially eager to tap into a subject rarely covered by student publications. She and another writer were selected for the position, and soon her raw words were put into print, reaching thousands of students.
Almost immediately after getting published for the first time, Zimmerman was subjected to an intense level of scrutiny. While many of her readers enthusiastically embraced her diary-like columns discussing her intimate affairs, others turned to slut-shaming and even sent her hate mail.
Commentary about her columns circulated on Grounds and beyond via local Charlottesville publications, and most prominently, on Reddit. On the platform, online trolls relentlessly tried to unveil her identity by scanning her sorority’s website and zooming in on name tags to find her photograph.
“People online were obsessed with finding out what I looked like … with trying to know everything about me,” Zimmerman said. “I mean, I got hate mail, email, calling me names because I had an email address at the end of the column.”
Zimmerman’s approach to the column was largely shaped by her academic interests and her own personal desires to write candidly about female pleasure. She minored in women and gender studies, which encouraged her to examine male-dominated societal norms. She credits the courses she took in the department with equipping her with a feminist framework that informed her commentary on female sexual autonomy and the realities of hookup culture.
“Women and Gender Studies classes I think helped me feel more confident in trying to reclaim that potential identity,” Zimmerman said.
In the moment, Zimmerman was hopeful that she could subvert narratives of female sexuality with a shameless public persona. Yet, the responses she received merely reaffirmed how deeply entrenched patriarchal norms were in the campus culture.
Zimmerman said that the judgement felt relentless and ultimately caused a shift in tone in her columns — they became broader and more censored. What was originally a bold attempt to normalize open conversations regarding female pleasure quickly turned into a lesson on the limits of gender progress.
Shortly before graduation, Zimmerman retired from her column in the face of backlash.
“It just wasn’t fun anymore,” Zimmerman said. “I didn’t want to be pigeonholed as just ‘the sex columnist.’ I was so much more than that.”
Despite the difficulties she was faced with, Zimmerman acknowledges the role she played in changing the campus dialogue around sex.
“I hope that maybe some girl at U.Va. read my column and thought, ‘I’m not the only one who likes sex,’” Zimmerman said.
Now a therapist, wife and mother, Zimmerman remembers her time as a columnist with both pride and apprehension. If she were writing today, she said she would encourage young women to “raise the bar” for themselves by recognizing their own self worth.
“At the time, I looked at sex as like, who cares? It doesn't really matter. Don't take it seriously,” Zimmerman said. “And to some degree, I still believe that. But I also would have said … maybe create some boundaries in terms of what you know you want for yourself.”
As Women’s History Month spotlights the various contributions of women across the University’s history, Zimmerman’s story is a gentle reminder of both the progress that has been made and the barriers that still persist.
“The patriarchy is still a problem,” Zimmerman said. “It was a problem 20 years ago, and I thought I was breaking some glass ceiling that, like, guess what? I didn't.”
However, she does not dismiss the significance of the moment she created. The conversations about sex and relationships at the University have certainly evolved, and in part, we have voices like Zimmerman’s to thank for this — voices that dared to speak when the expectation was silence.
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