Ah, the early twenties. A time characterized by identity-searching, trying on various partners and, of course, surviving the relentless pressure to have it all figured out by 30. As you may have observed or experienced yourself, it is common practice in our young adult culture to regard friendships as less important — the supporting actors to the leading role of romantic love. I wholeheartedly disagree with this.
Beneath the chaos of our twenties lies a surprising, yet profound truth — our deepest bonds are often not the romantic ones. For me, they have instead been my best friends — the women who have stood and continue to stand loyally by my side, not because they have read the script, but because they will live the scene.
Depicted in any form of media is the image of one’s twenties being their “peak era.” And sure, in some ways, it can be pretty magical. But comprehensively, this decade is fluid and often loaded with disillusionment, as our youthful expectations rarely live up to the ideals portrayed in Hollywood. However, what movies and television do occasionally nail is their appreciation for female friendships. From Jess and Cece to Marnie and Hannah to Lorelai and Sookie, these character relationships capture the unconditional love and messiness of girlhood friends.
While I’m unfortunately pretty far from Stars Hollow, Conn., I have undoubtedly struck gold with my female friendships on Grounds — they have become an unexpected source of family. Because of this, romantic love can’t help but become secondary on my priorities list. So although my usual articles are typically about navigating romantic relationships and intimacies, I must acknowledge that the defining connections of my life thus far have been with my female friends.
Like many other students, I have experienced the failed talking stages, messy breakups, sudden health scares and familial tensions that the college chapter tends to bring. For me, the constant through all of this has been my close girl group. The friends that have reminded me of who I am in the face of heartbreak challenge me to flourish and bear witness to my growth.
When I came to the University as an out-of-state student from southern Massachusetts, I knew no more than a few online acquaintances before embarking on my college journey. I felt a careful combination of eagerness and apprehension towards the blank slate ahead of me. Little did I know that soon, I would find the girls who would quickly become my lifeline.
My best friends and I have tried to pinpoint our “friendship origin story,” tracing back to Block Party run-ins and conversations in the Metcalf hallway, but the truth is that there wasn’t one defining moment where it all began. The five women that I met within my first days at the University seemed to just suddenly appear in every laughter-filled conversation and Runk brunch debrief as the first few weeks turned into the first few months. Our bonds formed so naturally and intensely that a fascinating creation story undermines the pure fate of it.
Through having observed this phenomena, I’ve picked up on a pattern — unlike the loud crescendos we expect out of great romances, female friendships tend to grow more quietly. There isn’t always a grand “meet cute” or incidental funny story attached, rather just a soulful chemistry that tethers the group together.
While the Sunday debriefs, Starbucks runs and a plethora of wardrobes to “shop” in are pretty great, what I value most in my close circle of girls has been our ability to find joy in each other’s successes. No matter how parallel our goals and aspirations may be, I have seldom been made to feel an ego bruise to see their successes. Rarely can I say the same about the romances of my earlier twenties, which were often ridden with jealousy and competition in this department.
So much of young womanhood is learning how to live in a world that doesn’t always see or hear you as you are taking shape. But with your soul sisters, you are deeply seen and are incomparably known. Laughter ties our spirits closer together, and tears make vulnerability rewarding. And that kind of connection is revolutionary. While whirlwind romances and forever Valentines can be legendary, my experiences have taught me that the emotional proximity of female friendships transcends that of even the deepest romantic connections.
In the end, maybe the real love stories of our twenties aren’t the ones with candlelit dinners or nights spent playing eye tag in fraternity basements. Instead, maybe they’re the ones that happen in cramped apartments on 15th Street with the women who are growing up alongside us, shaping us in the process. Cheers to them.
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